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Joke 21
NEW INVENTIONS BY BLONDES:
*The water-proof towel
*Glow in the dark sunglasses
*Solar powered flashlight
*Submarine screen door
*A book on how to read
*Inflatable dart board
*A dictionary index
*Powdered water
*Pedal powered wheel chair
*Water proof tea bags
*Zero proof alcohol
*Reusable ice cubes
*Do it yourself roadmap
Joke
22
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde all work in the same office with the same
female boss. Every day, they noticed the boss
left work early. One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd
leave right behind her. After all, she never called or
came back, so how was she to know? The brunette was thrilled to be home early.
She did a little gardening and went to bed
early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa
before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was
happy, happy, happy to be home, but when she got to her bedroom she heard a
muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she
cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER
BOSS!!! Ever so gently, she closed the door and
crept out of her house. The next day, during their coffee break, the brunette
and redhead mentioned leaving early again, and
asked the blonde if she was with them. "NO WAY," she exclaimed. "I almost got
caught yesterday!"
Joke 23
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or
prior experience.
She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip
from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to
get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she
slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly
impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps
away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot
has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's
pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her
head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from
unconsciousness when
to her great fortune..
..the Wal-Mart manager runs out and unplugs the horse.
Joke 24
One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and
asks her what happened.
The blonde said that her mother had passed away.
The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left.
The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde
crying again.
She asked her why she was crying this time.
"I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!"
Joke 25
Two blondes are walking down the street.
One of the blondes gets a pocket mirror out to see how she's looking.
She says to her friend. "I recognise that person in the mirror"
Her friend says, "Let me have a look"
Then replies "Of course you do its me.
Joke 26
A blonde was trying to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems
selling it, because the car had almost 230,000 miles
on it.
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The
brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make
the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I can only sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a
car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will
'fix it'. Then you shouldn't have a problem anymore trying to sell your car."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month
after that, the brunette asked the blonde,
"Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde, "Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"
Joke 27
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to
buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we
don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman
"I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we
don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit,
big sunglasses, then waited a few days before
she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."
Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed "How do you know I'm a blonde?" "Because that's a
microwave," he replied.
Joke 28
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a game.
The blonde, who's tired and just wants to take a nap, politely declines and
rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The
lawyer persists and says the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me
$5.00, and vice versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me
$5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will
pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention; and figuring there will be no end to this
torment unless she plays, she agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question:
"What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word,
reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00
bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "it's your turn."
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs but comes down with
four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his
references--no answer.
He taps into the airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of
Congress--no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her
$500.
The blonde says "Thank you" and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well,
what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and
goes back to sleep.
Joke 29
A policeman was interviewing three blondes who wanted to become detectives.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he showed the first blonde a
picture for five seconds and then hid it. "This is your
suspect. How would you recognize him?"
The first blonde answered, "That's easy! We'll catch him fast because he only
has one eye!"
The policeman said, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his side
profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashed the picture at the
second blonde and said, "This is your suspect. How
would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggled, flipped her hair and said, "Ha! He'd be too easy to
catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily replied, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only
one eye and one ear are showing, because
this is a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up
with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he showed the picture to the third blonde
and said, in a very testy voice, "This is your
suspect. How would you recognize him?" He quickly added, "And think hard before
answering, so you don't say something
completely idiotic."
The blonde looked at the picture intently for a moment and said, "Hmmmm...The
suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman was stunned speechless, because he honestly didn't know whether
the suspect wore contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer...Wait here for a few minutes while I check
his file, and I'll get back to you on that." He left
the room and went to his office, checked the suspect's file in his computer, and
came back beaming. "Wow!" he said, "I can't
believe it...It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work!
But how were you able to make such an
astute observation?"
"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses, because he
only has one eye and one ear."
Joke 30
80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not
Stupid Convention".
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are
not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A blonde
gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.
Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another
chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you
in one place and we have the world-wide press
and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another
chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh --
everyone is disheartened -- the blonde starts
crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually
says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance --
What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?".
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out
as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and
scream...
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
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