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Joke 1
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
* she called me to get my phone number.
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
"concentrate."
* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
*she tried to drown a fish.
*she thought a quarterback was a refund.
*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
*she tripped over a cordless phone.
*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
*she studied for a blood test.
*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she
turned around and went home
Joke 2
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you
should know something."
Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black
belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player.
The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US
is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Joke 3
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand
in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so
funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the
circle three times!"
Joke 4
Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in
the middle of the field rowing a row boat.
The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like
that that give us a bad name!"
To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go
out there and drown her."
Joke 5
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
Joke 6
Q. How do you get a blonde to climb on the roof?
A. Tell her that the drinks are on the house.
Joke 7
There was a blond driving down a road and spotted at the sign that is on a tree
next to a mansion that said $100,000. she called the number and said "i want
this item and I will send the money as soon as I get home. three weeks later she
got a package in the mail that had keys so she called the guy and asked "what
are the keys for" the guy said " they are for the mansion. the blond said "Wow,
I thought that I was buying the tree.
Joke 8
Once there was a magical mirror and if you lied in front of it you would
disappear from existence... so there was a brunette, a
redhead, and a blonde. The brunette went up to it and said," I think that
blondes are nice".... poof she disappeared. So the
redhead went up to it and said," I'm a virgin" poof she disappeared. The blonde
went up to it and said............."I Think"......
poof she was gone.
Joke 9
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and
one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette
forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and
the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . .
." Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks
around. She manages to escape. The angry
guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any
last requests. She says no, and the
executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." The redhead then screams,
"tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks
around. She too escapes execution. By this point, the blonde had figured out
what the others did. The guards bring her
forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says
no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . .
Aim . . ." The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
Joke 10
Did you hear about the blonde that...
Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2
to 4 years"
Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".
Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she
weighed 125.
After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other
swimmers were using their arms
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